AS DICTATED BY SOMEONE WHO HAS SEEN ALL 327 EPISODES AND PERSONALLY PROCESSED EVERY LINE THROUGH A WALNUT FILTER OF PAIN.
SEASON 1 — Amaro Montenegro
Bright, accessible, and pretending things are going to be fine. Montenegro is sweet enough to lure you in before the trauma hits. It says, ‘Maybe this is just a show about brothers and ghosts!’ Sure, Jan.
SEASON 2 — Lucano Anniversario
A little darker, a little richer, more depth, more family angst. This is where the emotional baggage gets wheels. Lucano says, ‘I have secrets. I have bitterness. And I’m not sorry.’
SEASON 3 — Amaro Averna
Smooth, dark, and deliciously doomed. Just like Dean’s deal. You sip Averna while accepting your fate, because the taste is comforting even when the end is near. Limited season, maximum dread.
SEASON 4 — Fernet-Branca
Welcome to angelic chaos and theological betrayal. Fernet tastes like heaven’s disapproval and mint-flavored trauma.You’re not sure you like it, but you respect the chaos.
SEASON 5 — Cynar
Yup. This is it. The apocalypse season. Bitter, vegetal, and deeply misunderstood by casuals. It’s not just an artichoke amaro – it’s a metaphor for the world ending, slowly. You sip Cynar during Chuck’s monologue, knowing full well you’re going to break anyway.
SEASON 6 — Campari
There it is: The Classic. Like the season itself, it’s trying to recapture the original magic while spiraling wildly through disjointed plots and moral grey sludge. It’s bright. It’s bitter. It’s iconic. It’s Dean sleeping with a kitsune for no reason.
SEASON 7 — Fernet-Branca Redux
Fernet makes a return appearance because Season 7 is just that much of a punishment. It’s the Leviathan of amaros: aggressive, overpowering, and confusingly minty. You regret every sip, but you finish the bottle because you’re a completist with no boundaries.
SEASON 8 — Nocino (Forthave Spirits)
Dark. Walnut. Emotional sabotage. Sam didn’t look for Dean. Dean’s yelling. Everyone’s grieving and lying with the vibe of a baroque revenge opera. Nocino is your only friend now.
SEASON 9 — Rucolino
Made from arugula. That’s right – bitter, green, and confusing. Not unlike Heaven’s civil war and Dean’s Mark of Cain spiral. It tastes like making bad choices while looking great in leather.
SEASON 10 — Cappelletti Sfumato Rabarbaro Amaro
Dean is spiraling in smoky eyeliner hell. This rhubarb-based existential fog pairs beautifully with the blurry morality and the fact that Charlie deserved better.
SEASON 11 — MARSEILLE (Forthave Spirits)
Volcanic bitterness. Biblical intensity. The Darkness rises, and this amaro says, ‘What if your trauma had a sister?’ Tastes like shadow and sibling issues.
SEASON 12 — Amaro Nonino Quintessentia
Balanced, elegant, vaguely European. Like a season trying to return to character drama with a little class. Mary Winchester is back and so is your cocktail budget.
SEASON 13 — Ebo Lebo Gran Riserva
Weird. Funky. Surprisingly good. No one asked for it, but now you’re emotionally invested in Jack, and the notes of orange peel and cinnamon hit harder than they should.
SEASON 14 — Amaro Sibilla
Dark, medicinal, and apocalyptic again. Everything’s unraveling. The sweetness is gone. The bitterness is real. Chuck is a jerk. You need something to prepare your soul for impact.
SEASON 15 — Varnelli Amaro dell’Erborista
Bittersweet apocalypse in a glass. Complex, herbal, gently devastating. The perfect drink for watching everything fall apart beautifully. Drink slowly. It’s the end of the world, after all.
So, yes. I made a chart matching 15 seasons of monster-hunting melodrama to ancient herbal liqueurs. Both are haunted, bitter, strangely beautiful, and best consumed slowly, with the knowledge that too much will ruin you.
No, I don’t regret it. Pairing amaro with Supernatural isn’t a gimmick. It’s a spiritual reckoning. It’s accepting that life is long, weird, tragic, and herbal. If Dean Winchester can die forty-seven times and still keep driving Baby, I can build a metaphysical cocktail menu and call it closure.
This is how we cope now.
‘Ab aeterno dolor manet.’
PS: And if you can’t find meaning in a dusty bottle of Fernet while watching Castiel fall from grace, then we don’t know how to help you.
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Go root around in the archive. It’s messy, but so is life: themaladapted.substack.com
