SHE VS HE

Very NSFW

He: Hello?

She: Hello, darling! I’m Candy!

He: I bet you are!

She: I’m ready for us to get, mmm, very close.

He: Yeah, baby!What are you wearing?

She: A red silk dress, with 4in red stilettos. I work out every day, my body is toned, tanned and perfect. My measurements are 36–24–36. And what do you look like, baby?

He: I’m 6.2, 180. I wear glasses and I’m in my new sweats, I bought the other day from Supreme. I’m in a tank top, but I spilled some pasta sauce on it the other day, so bit ripe now, I guess.

She: Oh, baby, I really want you! You want me?

He: Yeah!

She: Alright then. We’re already in my bedroom. I’ve put on some soft, sexy music, and I lit candles on the nightstand and the dresser. I look into your eyes through a mischievous lock of my long blonde hair. My hand slides down towards your legs and begins to gently rub the huge bulge there.

He: Ooh, starting to sweat.

She: I pull off your shirt and start kissing your chest .

He: I… uh… I’m unbuttoning your dress. My hands are shaking.

She: I sweetly moan.

He: I grab your dress and start slipping it off your body.

She: I blissfully tilt my head back. The cool silk slides down my warm skin. I rub your enormous cock harder through your pants.

He: My fingers slips from excitement, and I tear a hole in your dress. Sorry, I really apologize.

She: It’s okay, it wasn’t that expensive.

He: I’ll pay for it.

She: Don’t worry, I wasn’t too attached to it. Underneath, I’m in a black lace bra. I’m breathing intensely, my breasts are swollen, eager to burst out of it.

He: I’m struggling with your bra clasp. it’s stuck. Do you have a pair of scissors close by?

She: I take your hand and gently kiss it. Then I reach back and unfasten my bra. It slides off my shoulders and falls to the floor. The cool air touches my bare breasts. My nipples harden.

He: Damn, honey, you’re incredible! How’d you do that!? I pick up the bra and start examining the clasp mechanism.

She: I arch my back like a cat. Oh, darling! I just took a bath, and now I want to feel your tongue all over my body!

He: I drop the bra onto the bed. Now I’m rubbing… um… your nipples. They’re really… oh, so nice.

She: I run my fingers through your hair. Now I’m lightly sucking on the soft of your ear.

He: No, no. Just don’t stick in your tongue! I really hate that! Don’t! Aaaand I sneeze! Your breasts get covered with drool and snot.

She: What?

He: Sorry…

She: It’s nothing… (confused pause) I wipe my breasts with the remnants of my dress.

He: I take the wet dress and drop it on the floor. It goes ‘schlop’.

She: So… (another confused pause) I pull down your pants and rub your hard dick.

He: ‘Aaaah!’ I scream in a high-pitched voice! Your hands are cold! ‘Aaaah!’

She: I softly shake my buttocks. Do you want to take off my panties?

He: Sure do. I take off your panties. Now I’m starting to lick… um… oh, wait a minute.

She: What’s going on?

He: I got a pube in my throat. I’m choking!

She: Are you okay?

He: I can’t stop coughing, I’m going to cough up my guts, damn it! I’m turning all red.

She: Can I help you with something?

He: I’m running to the kitchen, nearly suffocating. Where are your cups?

She: In the cabinet to the right of the sink!

He: I drink a cup of water. Oh, I feel better.

She: I’m in the bedroom. I’m wet and I want you so much it hurts!

He: I wipe the glass and put it back in the cabinet. I’m heading back to the bedroom. Wait, it’s really dark, where’s the bedroom?

She: The last door on the left at the end of the hallway.

He: Wait. Oops, I found it. I’m coming in.

She: I take off your pants. I moan and I whimper, I want you inside me!

He: So do I!

She: Now you’re naked. I’m kissing you passionately, our bodies are pressing together…

He: Wait, you’re pressing my glasses into my nose. I’ll get a bruise.

She: Can I take off your glasses?

He: No, you’ll bend them. I take them off, but I can’t see very well without them, just so you know. I put them on the nightstand.

She: I’m kneeling on the bed. Put it inside me, darling!

He: Oh, now I gotta pee. I’m heading across the room with my hands stretched out. Dammit, I stubbed my little toe! Found the bathroom.

She: Hurry, darling.

He: I’m done! I’m trying to flush, but I can’t find the handle. Oops….

She: What now?

He: I think I peed in the laundry basket. Sorry. I’m heading back to the bedroom, trying not to bump into the walls too much.

She: Oh, yes. Yes, come!

He: Now I’m going to stick my, hm, dick in your pussy, baby!

She: Yes, put it in me, darling, yes!

He: I’m stroking your smooth ass. I’m kissing… your wet neck. But I have a little problem.

She: I’m shaking my ass and I am searching for you, spread wide open. I can’t stand it for another second! Fuck me right now, right now! You hear me?!

He: It won’t work.

She: What!?

He: My dick’s out. No joy.

She: I stand up, my eyes filled with indignation.

He: I shrug with a sad face. My dick is dangling. Now I’ll put on my glasses and see what’s going on. I can’t explain it.

She: Forget it. I’m getting dressed. I fasten my clip. I put on the dress you ruined, and I shudder with disgust.

He: Don’t, wait a minute. I’m staring into the dark, trying to find the nightstand where my glasses are. I slide my hand across the dresser and knock over deodorants, picture frames, and some candles.

She: I’m zipping up my dress. Now I’m putting on my shoes.

He: Oops! I found my glasses. I put them on. My God! One of the candles has set the curtain on fire, and now it’s burning! I’m pointing over there with a shocked face!

She: Go fuck yourself! You fucking loser!

He: Now the carpet is on fire too! Oh, no! Damn it, what are we going to do now?